Wayne Besen - Author, Activist, Columnist, Public Speaker

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Anything But Straight
(Weekly Column)

Earlier today, a spokestoon for SpongeBob SquarePants announced he is breaking up with gay puppet icon Tinky Winky. Irreconcilable differences were cited, such as they were physically incompatible as neither one had private parts. The spokestoon also charged that Tinky had been chronically depressed after not getting cast for a part in the Broadway musical Avenue Q.

Hey, if Focus on the Family leader James Dobson can create a surreal gay plot with SpongeBob SquarePants, why can't I? If you haven't heard, Dobson accused the animated yellow sponge, who lives in a "pineapple under the sea", of starring in a "pro-homosexual video".

"Does anybody here know SpongeBob?" Dobson ominously asked on stage at a pre-inaugural dinner for members of Congress. If you listen closely to the C-SPAN rerun, I think you can here alleged closet case David Drier, R-Calif., stand up and exclaim, "Oh, I do. I know Spongy Poo." But the character's sexual orientation was news to everyone else in the room.

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