Wayne Besen - Author, Activist, Columnist, Public Speaker

Thursday, February 16, 2006

New Jersey Supreme Court justices grilled lawyers on the issue of same-sex marriage Wednesday, asking what business the state has barring such unions, but also whether lifting the ban could open the door to legalizing polygamy.

Anyone who has ever been married can tell you that one husband or wife is more than enough. Imagine having to buy all five spouses Valentine's Day gifts, but you accidentally pick up only four roses...Nothing but drama. And at least one spouse would always be in a bad mood!

But more important, in the one state that has gay marriage and in the other nations that also have it - there has been no push for polygamy. Experience teaches us that this is nothing more than a perverse fantasy in the minds of sexually repressed conservatives. In the real world, they are the only creeps who ever talk about polygamy.

13 Comments:

I'm real tired of that polygamy comeback for these reasons.
And this is for anyone else who needs to educate someone who brings it up.

1. Polygamy is CULTURAL, it has nothing to do with being gay-which is a personal characteristic.

2. Polygamy has a close cousin that IS accepted, it's called serial divorce and remarriage and that's enough in the marriage and family law for anyone without a further complication.

3. The already married or the already related are accorded all rights and privileges and protections that such status provides.
Anything more is excess and redundant and the state has no interest in it.

4. Polygamists never had to wait for gays being legally married to make their stand. And history has shown that such a situation is abusive to women.

So far, no one has been able to deny that I don't speak the truth here.
If someone has a differing opinion, it's because and opinion is all they have.
And that's very different from having facts.
posted by Regan, at 2/15/2006 11:14 PM

What about the mormons who practiced polygamy and may still do? Aren't they right wing fundamentalists? How come the AFA et al aren't going after them? The hypocrisy of these foes of same-sex marriage is mind-boggling.
If they claim that same-sex marriage harms the institution of hetero marriage and their progeny, can they please provide the scientific proof? It seems to me that the situation in the world today, wars, famines, political corruption are the result of heterosexual men in power. Witness their philandering, quickie divorces (Britney Spears is a classic example of that). How come they're not devoting their unlimited energy by going after the real culprits for the political and moral decay of society....themselves, instead of obsessing over our sexuality?

Robert, NYC.
posted by Anonymous, at 2/16/2006 8:29 AM

Polyamory is a conservative creation? Really? (Although the evangelicals never hide the fact that many in the Bible, including Kings David and Solomon, practiced this. In fact, if you listen to them and read scripture you'll see that polygamy (and decisions they made from it) brought about a serious downfall to both.)

Well, the Bravo! network (are they owned by conservatives?) is telling us that gay men like to engage in polygamy.

In addition, good old HBO is riding this horse, with some who have seen episodes of this show in advance say it has a pro-gay agenda.

In addition, the Utne Reader (is THIS magazine a GWB house organ?) seems to think otherwise from you, Wayne. (I get a kick out of one of the web sites they've linked to on the Polyamory association, which says on its front page: "No more lies about sex. Not to other and not to ourselves.")

Then there's this article that originally was in the Denver Post a year ago in January (and unfortunately, a Google search turns up only one web site still hosting the article...stop when you get to the reader posts.)

I'm not sure many polyamorists would say that their attractions are any less personal that gayness is.
posted by Anonymous, at 2/16/2006 9:34 AM

As a New Jerseyan, I hope we are the second state in the union to legalize gay marriage. Having said that, recent research shows that married people, both hetero and gay are happier and healthier, have less depression and are better off financially. Only the most disingenuous, selfish bigots would say gay marriage isnt good for society.
Gary (NJ)
ps..besides polygamy, the right wing pervs also say it's a slippery slope to marrying your daughter or your dog. Meanwhile THEY'RE at home dancing in diapers.
posted by Anonymous, at 2/16/2006 9:39 AM

Wayne, you're to be saluted for your kind words about monogamy.

It's interesting that one rarely if ever sees an ex-gay man turn het "casanova", but rather paired with one woman he loves, for life. Not surprising...none of us has been made for a polygamous relationship.
posted by Anonymous, at 2/16/2006 10:22 AM

Slippery slop arguments are invalid. When debating an issue, we have to take into account only the issue we are actually dealing with, not what issues other groups may bring to the fore in the future. Only the issue at hand is relevant.

Susie
posted by Anonymous, at 2/16/2006 12:00 PM

I agree with Regan. Polygamy is cultural. It isn't a sexual orientation, and therefore doesn't fall under "equal protection" clauses. Unlike being heterosexual or gay, polygamy is a choice.

It is an incredibly weak argument! Those who are against gay marriage are that way only because they want gays to remain second class citizens. To put it bluntly, I think that they are rather disgusting and shameful!

I am a New Yorker now, but I was born and raised in New Jersey! It will be a really sweet day when this court does the right thing.
posted by Chris L., at 2/16/2006 12:39 PM

"Polygamy is a choice."

OK, so when one finds themselves romantically attracted to multiple individuals, how indeed is that a "choice"?
posted by Anonymous, at 2/16/2006 12:49 PM

Anon: Polygamy is not "being attracted to multiple individuals".
posted by Chris L., at 2/16/2006 12:57 PM

Chris L., respectfully asked, how do you know that for certain?
posted by Anonymous, at 2/16/2006 1:12 PM

Ah, two corrections:

1. I apologize for misspelling your name, Chris I.

2. Indeed, polygamy isn't polyamory, where one person does have multiple romantic attractions, and which is probably a characteristic of many polygamists (who indulge in more than one marriage but some of whom may not be romantically attracted to some of their partners).

Check out that Utne Reader link, as there appear to be multiple polyamory support/lobbying groups.
posted by Anonymous, at 2/16/2006 1:17 PM

You would think the the 50% divorce rate of hetersexual marriages would be more of a concern. That in an of itself makes heterosexual marriage seem just as abnormal.
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