Wayne Besen - Author, Activist, Columnist, Public Speaker

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Must Read Article On Mixed Orientation Marriages

There is an excellent article in today's New York Times on marriages where the wife is straight and the husband gay. About two-thirds of the women who contact the International Straight Spouse Network in El Cerrito, Calif., eventually divorce, said Amity Pierce Buxton, 77, a retired school administrator who founded the group in 1992 and has been researching the topic since 1986.

Let's face it, groups like Focus on the Family who promote such arrangements are partly responsible America's high divorce rate. By putting politics above people, they are ruining many lives - and they just don't seem to care.

25 Comments:

Wayne, dead serious question here.

Where are groups such as Focus on the family promoting that there should be mixed orientation marriages? Do you have a link you can furnish?

Everything I've ever heard says they don't, and they discourage anyone who still feels he/she has same sex attractions from getting married.
posted by Kurt W, at 3/07/2006 10:08 AM

I think the issue here is not divorce by itself, but the mere fact that many men (and women) waste their lives trying to fight something that there is not reason to fight in the first place.

I have come accross many men that, after years of marriage are left on their own to start an honest gay life, and since our gay communities are very youth oriented, they have trouble fitting in.

I think that the problem is bigger that just trying to be hetero...
posted by Anonymous, at 3/07/2006 10:14 AM

I posited this question and I think it's a valid one.
How about bans on marriage for gay folks AND ex gay folks to marry straight folks.
Anyone who has ever lived as a gay person shouldn't marry a straight person either.

And, Kurt, it's what Focus on the Family DOESN'T say and implies constantly that's a problem.
They believe that the end all and be all of a fulfilled life is to be married and with children.

FOTF encourages gay people to NOT BE GAY and to prove that by marrying and having children.
FOTF infers that gay people have to prove themselves worthy of being a free part of the human race and engaging in that institution helps promote that standard.

The problem with FOTF is seeing homosexuality and homosexuals as a problem, when it's not a problem. Neither is never marrying or having children.

But just for interest, I really would love someone in a legislature to propose a ban on ex gays marrying and see what happens.
Because after all, wasn't marrying the opposite sex, SUPPOSED to be a sign of being ex gay or never gay to begin with?
posted by Regan, at 3/07/2006 10:56 AM

As a gay man who has been married and is now in the midst of it disolving, I really appreciated this article. My wife is a part if the Straight Spouse Network and is dealing with life because of it!
Christian organizations like FOCUS don't understand the dynamics of being gay and frankly are happy not knowing. I was taught (I'm also a minister) that one should marry and forget all these odd feelings. If I found the woman and had kids (I have six), all these feelings would go away...not so. As the articles states, the repression has made it worse.

I look forward to being honest and I will loose my job for it. I am a gay Christian pastor who one day will be free....so will my wife. My kids know and now grown. This article is true and your right, this evangelical notion has got to go! Homosexuality has been with us sind=ce the beginning of time and it can not be changed. WE all must learn to live with the diversity around us and appreciate the gifts we can bring to the table.

Lee
posted by Anonymous, at 3/07/2006 11:15 AM

Of course they don't care about people. They only care about advancing their anti-gay agenda. If they can convince a vulnerable, self-loathing gay man that he can achieve heterosexual functioning and marry him off to a similarly self-loathing lesbian, they can put two checks in the cured column and use it for fund-raising.
When I was young, I prayed so hard to be like the other guys and by my early 20's was so repressed that I convinced myself that I was really straight. Actually, I was just non-sexual and unable to connect with people and feel real emotions. I married a woman and we had a miserable marriage. Two lives were damaged by my delusions and denial. Thank God I have long since discovered the freedom of honesty and the happiness it brings.
posted by Sam, at 3/07/2006 11:28 AM

There is always some kind of dichotomy around the way religious conservatives want to handle homosexuality.
It's a damned do or don't/no win situation, every time.

Everything in life and nature has inversions. Worthy of at least respecting as a reality and moving on from there.

The conceit of heterosexuals has NO bounds when it comes to gay lives and integration among heterosexuals.

FOTF, LWO, Exodus...all claim to know "The Truth" about homosexuality.

The only way ANYONE could is to allow for openness without threat.
Honesty without coercion and living out and about without fear of harm.

Gay men and women never had the luxury of living this way on a large scale.
Without honesty, there is no truth.
And since gay young people are far from encouraged to BE honest, FOTF's claims are baseless and harmful, if not stupid.

Lee, best of luck to you.
You more than paid your dues, brother.
posted by Anonymous, at 3/07/2006 12:27 PM

Kurt, why dont you just fuck off! You're always the FIRST one to post your anti-gay bullshit. What do you do all day, just monitor this site? Get a life hon! Your gay and MISERABLE!!!--find a different religion too, that VERSION of christianity you subscribe to is totally fucked--even Jesus wouldnt recognize it!!
posted by Anonymous, at 3/07/2006 12:41 PM

Kurt, you must be joking. We don't need to "provide a link" to Focus on the Family to show that they endorse mixed-orientation marriages. "Ex-gay" John Paulk (who Wayne photographed in a gay bar) married his wife Anne and was held up and promoted as a paragon of virtue by that organization. Wake up and smell the coffee, my friend.
posted by Chris L., at 3/07/2006 1:13 PM

Kurt W. is a dooshbag who dreams of rimming men all day and night. That is the only explanation for his existence.

Wallace
Louisiana
posted by Anonymous, at 3/07/2006 2:02 PM

Most ironically of all, statistics reveal that born-again Christians have the highest divorce rate in the nation! And Massachusetts, which has gay marriage, has the lowest divorce rate by state. Fundamentalists are in no position to advise anyone of anything, especially when it comes to marriage of all things. "Focus on the FAMILY"?? What a joke.
posted by Chris L., at 3/07/2006 2:40 PM

just for the record, it's douche bag---i dont know if it's 1 word or 2. (Only a man would misspell that, hahaha).
posted by Anonymous, at 3/07/2006 3:03 PM

Evergreen (much like Exodus) has told many men to get married as part of their ex-gay therapy.

The emphasis now is not marriage. The Mormon (LDS) Church now says it was a mistake to have suggested gay men marry. They recognize this was bad advice. The only solace gay Mormons have is to heat the back pews in their chapels.
posted by cowboy, at 3/07/2006 6:17 PM

It seems to me, from what I've read in Wayne's excellent and valuable book, and elsewhere, that as far as the "therapy" etc mob are concerned, if you're married, you're not gay. As simple and simplistic and silly and soul-destroying and slack-reasoned as that.
posted by Phil, at 3/11/2006 2:02 PM

runescape money runescape gold runescape gold runescape money buy runescape gold buy runescape money runescape money runescape gold wow power leveling wow powerleveling Warcraft Power Leveling Warcraft PowerLeveling buy runescape gold buy runescape money runescape items runescape accounts runescape gp dofus kamas buy dofus kamas Guild Wars Gold buy Guild Wars Gold lotro gold buy lotro gold lotro gold buy lotro gold lotro gold buy lotro gold runescape money runescape power leveling runescape money runescape gold dofus kamas cheap runescape money cheap runescape gold Hellgate Palladium Hellgate London Palladium Hellgate money Tabula Rasa gold tabula rasa money Tabula Rasa Credit Tabula Rasa Credits Hellgate gold Hellgate London gold wow power leveling wow powerleveling Warcraft PowerLeveling Warcraft Power Leveling World of Warcraft PowerLeveling World of Warcraft Power Leveling runescape power leveling runescape powerleveling eve isk eve online isk eve isk eve online isk tibia gold Fiesta Silver Fiesta Gold SilkRoad Gold buy SilkRoad Gold runescape accounts buy runescape accounts rs2 accounts buy rs2 accounts runescape power leveling rs2 power leveling FFXI Gil buy FFXI Gil gaia gold buy gaia gold buy dofus kamas buy dofus kamas dofus kamas
posted by Anonymous, at 3/13/2008 10:37 PM

wow gold cheap wow gold buy wow gold world of warcraft gold wow world of warcraft wow gold WoW Warrior WoW Hunter WoW Rogue WoW Paladin WoW Shaman WoW Priest WoW Mage WoW Druid WoW Warlock power leveling powerleveling wow power leveling wow powerleveling wow guides wow tips google排名 google左侧排名 google排名服务百度推广百度排名网站推广商业吧机床 LED灯电池塑料摄像机移民甲醇染料福州热线体育博客股票博客游戏博客魔兽博客考试博客汽车博客房产博客电脑博客 powerlin518 logo design website design web design 商标设计
posted by Anonymous, at 3/18/2008 10:15 PM

i coming from Singapore,To a person 團體制服here.
I was an excellent credit咖啡 staff.Many well-known in the credit 徵信社company to work, and excellent credit 徵信performance.
I love this job;I work brought endless fun.I hope that the formal減肥I appreciated the boss .I hope to continue to work in the credit徵信.
I work seriously,Peaceful coexistence with colleagues.The company has no particular request, 徵信社I can only hope that the wisdom I 燈光音響play.
posted by Anonymous, at 5/20/2008 2:50 AM

南京麦瑞货架制造有限公司是国内专业从事仓储货架及仓储设备集研发、生产、销售、安装于一体的大规模企业之一。汇集国内仓储设备制造业众多技术精英 ...南京北春货架制造有限公司为您量身订做各类仓储货架及货架配套设备,满足您的存储要求,合理使用空间.为客户提供一体化的货架解决方案仓储规划、制造、安装及售后服务等 ...托盘是静态货物转变成动态货物的载体,一般用于装卸搬运、仓储保管以及运输,南京麦瑞，拥有十年的托盘制造经验。主要生产钢托盘,木托盘,以及网格托盘等特种托盘。南京麦瑞塑料托盘制造有限公司是专业生产塑料托盘企业是中国塑料托盘知名品牌,南京麦瑞牌塑料托盘是南京市名牌产品,是中国塑料托盘协会会员是中国物流与采购联合会会员 ...Google排名专家提供专业的Google左侧排名技术服务，可以为您获得好的Google排名，如果您需要Google左侧排名技术服务，请联系Google排名专家，我们为您提供稳定的Google ...
posted by SEO, at 8/17/2009 4:39 AM

提供google排名产品，包括google排名服务，众多的google排名信息、google排名咨询，尽在google排名网。
角钢货架，万能角钢货架，南京货架
 轻型货架，北京货架，托盘包装
 中型货架，中量型货架，置物柜
 重型货架，重型仓储货架，上海货架
 托盘货架，上海货架厂，小推车
 横梁货架，横梁式货架，塑胶托盘
 阁楼货架，阁楼式货架，货位式货架
 密集架，深圳货架厂，推车
 悬臂货架，悬臂式货架，广州货架厂
 贯通货架，贯通式货架，卡板
 通廊式货架，深圳货架，苏州货架
 驶入式货架，广州货架，浙江货架
 流利条，天津货架，沈阳货架
 江苏货架，无锡货架，天津木托盘
 杭州货架，宁波货架，熏蒸木托盘
 济南货架，青岛货架，蜂窝纸托盘
 重庆货架，广东货架，食品托盘
 货架公司，成都货架，塑料卡板
 货架厂，货架设计，货架设备
 仓储货架，货架厂家，货架网
 移动货架，移动式货架，货架制造
 货架加工，货架配件，生产货架
 服装货架，货架制作，销售货架
 货架价格，货架图片，展示货架
 仓库货架，库房货架，精品货架
 图书货架，音像货架，百变货架
 物流货架，商场货架，线棒货架
 东莞货架，设备货架，不锈钢货架
 抽屉式货架，重力式货架，立体货架
 模具架，钢平台，档案密集架
 超市货架，收银台，超市设备
 线棒，仓储物流设备，园林垃圾桶
 塑料垃圾桶，上海物流设备，药品柜
 分类垃圾桶，物流设备有限公司，陪护椅
 垃圾桶，物流设备公司，医用消毒柜
posted by 度, at 8/20/2009 11:28 PM

ugg shoes
ugg boots
ugg
ugg sale
fake ugg
ugg store
ugg discount
men's ugg
womens ugg
buy ugg boots
ugg cardy
replica ugg
cheap ugg
ugg classic
posted by Daisy, at 12/14/2009 1:14 AM

ugg shoes
ugg boots
ugg
ugg sale
fake ugg
ugg store
ugg discount
men's ugg
womens ugg
buy ugg boots
ugg cardy
replica ugg
cheap ugg
ugg classic
Ugg Amelie Suede
UGG Bailey Button
UGG Classic Cardy
UGG Classic Crochet
UGG Classic Mini
UGG Classic Short
UGG Classic Tall
Ugg Gypsy Sandal
Ugg Halendi Sandal
UGG Hammond Slipper
UGG Infant's Erin Baby
UGG Layback Slipper
UGG Locarno
Ugg Matala Sandal
Ugg Napoule Sandal
UGG New style
UGG Nightfall
Ugg Persephone Sandal
Ugg Skimmer
UGG Sundance
Ugg Tasmina
UGG Ultra Short
UGG Ultra Tall
UGG Women's Coquette
UGG Women's Knightsbridg
UGG Women's Mayfaire
posted by 月, at 12/21/2009 9:24 PM

LV women handbags
miu miu handbags
chanel women handbags
gucci ladies handbag
Fendi women handbags
d&g handbags
YSL handabgs

NFL jerseys for sale
nike Air Force one
nike dunk SB
nfl jerseys
nfl jerseys cheap
nfl jersey sales
Nike air max 90
nfl jerseys wholesale
ugg boots sales
nfl jersey sizes
ugg boots sale
ugg boot sale
ugg sundance boots
ugg classic short
ugg classic tall
newest style ugg boots
ugg classic mini
ugg ultra short
ugg cardy
UGG Suede boots
ugg ultra tall
ugg cardy boots
posted by green, at 2/07/2010 2:39 AM