You can purchase an autographed copy of Anything But Straight by sending a $35 check or money order to:
-------------------------
Wayne Besen
PO Box 25491
Brooklyn, NY 11202
There is an excellent article in today's New York Timeson marriages where the wife is straight and the husband gay. About two-thirds of the women who contact the International Straight Spouse Network in El Cerrito, Calif., eventually divorce, said Amity Pierce Buxton, 77, a retired school administrator who founded the group in 1992 and has been researching the topic since 1986.
Let's face it, groups like Focus on the Family who promote such arrangements are partly responsible America's high divorce rate. By putting politics above people, they are ruining many lives - and they just don't seem to care.
17 Comments:
Wayne, dead serious question here.
Where are groups such as Focus on the family promoting that there should be mixed orientation marriages? Do you have a link you can furnish?
Everything I've ever heard says they don't, and they discourage anyone who still feels he/she has same sex attractions from getting married.
posted by Kurt W, at
3/07/2006 10:08 AM
I think the issue here is not divorce by itself, but the mere fact that many men (and women) waste their lives trying to fight something that there is not reason to fight in the first place.
I have come accross many men that, after years of marriage are left on their own to start an honest gay life, and since our gay communities are very youth oriented, they have trouble fitting in.
I think that the problem is bigger that just trying to be hetero...
posted by Anonymous, at
3/07/2006 10:14 AM
I posited this question and I think it's a valid one. How about bans on marriage for gay folks AND ex gay folks to marry straight folks. Anyone who has ever lived as a gay person shouldn't marry a straight person either.
And, Kurt, it's what Focus on the Family DOESN'T say and implies constantly that's a problem. They believe that the end all and be all of a fulfilled life is to be married and with children.
FOTF encourages gay people to NOT BE GAY and to prove that by marrying and having children. FOTF infers that gay people have to prove themselves worthy of being a free part of the human race and engaging in that institution helps promote that standard.
The problem with FOTF is seeing homosexuality and homosexuals as a problem, when it's not a problem. Neither is never marrying or having children.
But just for interest, I really would love someone in a legislature to propose a ban on ex gays marrying and see what happens. Because after all, wasn't marrying the opposite sex, SUPPOSED to be a sign of being ex gay or never gay to begin with?
posted by Regan, at
3/07/2006 10:56 AM
As a gay man who has been married and is now in the midst of it disolving, I really appreciated this article. My wife is a part if the Straight Spouse Network and is dealing with life because of it! Christian organizations like FOCUS don't understand the dynamics of being gay and frankly are happy not knowing. I was taught (I'm also a minister) that one should marry and forget all these odd feelings. If I found the woman and had kids (I have six), all these feelings would go away...not so. As the articles states, the repression has made it worse.
I look forward to being honest and I will loose my job for it. I am a gay Christian pastor who one day will be free....so will my wife. My kids know and now grown. This article is true and your right, this evangelical notion has got to go! Homosexuality has been with us sind=ce the beginning of time and it can not be changed. WE all must learn to live with the diversity around us and appreciate the gifts we can bring to the table.
Of course they don't care about people. They only care about advancing their anti-gay agenda. If they can convince a vulnerable, self-loathing gay man that he can achieve heterosexual functioning and marry him off to a similarly self-loathing lesbian, they can put two checks in the cured column and use it for fund-raising. When I was young, I prayed so hard to be like the other guys and by my early 20's was so repressed that I convinced myself that I was really straight. Actually, I was just non-sexual and unable to connect with people and feel real emotions. I married a woman and we had a miserable marriage. Two lives were damaged by my delusions and denial. Thank God I have long since discovered the freedom of honesty and the happiness it brings.
posted by Sam, at
3/07/2006 11:28 AM
There is always some kind of dichotomy around the way religious conservatives want to handle homosexuality. It's a damned do or don't/no win situation, every time.
Everything in life and nature has inversions. Worthy of at least respecting as a reality and moving on from there.
The conceit of heterosexuals has NO bounds when it comes to gay lives and integration among heterosexuals.
FOTF, LWO, Exodus...all claim to know "The Truth" about homosexuality.
The only way ANYONE could is to allow for openness without threat. Honesty without coercion and living out and about without fear of harm.
Gay men and women never had the luxury of living this way on a large scale. Without honesty, there is no truth. And since gay young people are far from encouraged to BE honest, FOTF's claims are baseless and harmful, if not stupid.
Lee, best of luck to you. You more than paid your dues, brother.
posted by Anonymous, at
3/07/2006 12:27 PM
Kurt, why dont you just fuck off! You're always the FIRST one to post your anti-gay bullshit. What do you do all day, just monitor this site? Get a life hon! Your gay and MISERABLE!!!--find a different religion too, that VERSION of christianity you subscribe to is totally fucked--even Jesus wouldnt recognize it!!
posted by Anonymous, at
3/07/2006 12:41 PM
Kurt, you must be joking. We don't need to "provide a link" to Focus on the Family to show that they endorse mixed-orientation marriages. "Ex-gay" John Paulk (who Wayne photographed in a gay bar) married his wife Anne and was held up and promoted as a paragon of virtue by that organization. Wake up and smell the coffee, my friend.
posted by Chris L., at
3/07/2006 1:13 PM
Kurt W. is a dooshbag who dreams of rimming men all day and night. That is the only explanation for his existence.
Most ironically of all, statistics reveal that born-again Christians have the highest divorce rate in the nation! And Massachusetts, which has gay marriage, has the lowest divorce rate by state. Fundamentalists are in no position to advise anyone of anything, especially when it comes to marriage of all things. "Focus on the FAMILY"?? What a joke.
posted by Chris L., at
3/07/2006 2:40 PM
just for the record, it's douche bag---i dont know if it's 1 word or 2. (Only a man would misspell that, hahaha).
posted by Anonymous, at
3/07/2006 3:03 PM
Evergreen (much like Exodus) has told many men to get married as part of their ex-gay therapy.
The emphasis now is not marriage. The Mormon (LDS) Church now says it was a mistake to have suggested gay men marry. They recognize this was bad advice. The only solace gay Mormons have is to heat the back pews in their chapels.
posted by cowboy, at
3/07/2006 6:17 PM
It seems to me, from what I've read in Wayne's excellent and valuable book, and elsewhere, that as far as the "therapy" etc mob are concerned, if you're married, you're not gay. As simple and simplistic and silly and soul-destroying and slack-reasoned as that.
posted by Phil, at
3/11/2006 2:02 PM
i coming from Singapore,To a person 團體制服here. I was an excellent credit咖啡 staff.Many well-known in the credit 徵信社company to work, and excellent credit 徵信performance. I love this job;I work brought endless fun.I hope that the formal減肥I appreciated the boss .I hope to continue to work in the credit徵信. I work seriously,Peaceful coexistence with colleagues.The company has no particular request, 徵信社I can only hope that the wisdom I 燈光音響play.
posted by Anonymous, at
5/20/2008 2:50 AM
