You can purchase an autographed copy of Anything But Straight by sending a $35 check or money order to:
-------------------------
Wayne Besen
PO Box 25491
Brooklyn, NY 11202
Brian Mahieu of Fulton, Missouri wrote a fantastic letter published in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. It is well worth reading for anyone who believes the absurd, disproved and highly discredited notion that gays can go straight. Here is an excerpt:
"I am a survivor of nineteen years in the 'transformational ministry'movement (not unlike the programs promoted by Focus on the Family's Love Won Out tour) . My experiences within the fundamentalist religious/political milieu that promotes the idea that homosexuals are sick and need to be healed was horrific. The movement is packaged in a very slick mainstream way, but the procedures vary widely and can include bizarre spiritual rituals that could be characterized as christian voo doo and evangelical abuse."
"Although I entered into a heterosexual marriage I was not straight or “cured” I was just a gay man married to a woman. I spent 15 years in that marriage trying to make it work, living a well-intentioned lie. I ending up emotionally devastated, filled with even more self loathing, guilt and suicidal ideation as there was no way be straight (heterosexual). The alternative, I was told, was eternal damnation."
1. This man made a personal choice to get married. You don't get into a heterosexual marriage to "cure" homosexuality. I defy anyone to find a link on Exodus, FOTF, etc. who recommends this, let alone advises anyone to do it.
2. If this man is indeed speaking the truth, it's a sad thing that this happened. He needs to name names, today, so people would be aware of whichever counselors would be so flagrantly giving bad advice.
As usual, Kurt misses the point. He is so indoctrinated in the right's wing neo-con language that he cannot see what this person is saying: sexual orientation does not change.
As I read this blog, it amazes me that Kurt is always the first one to post something whenever Wayne writes something critical of the President, the ex-gay movement, or just about anything in particular. He obviously has his own set of issues to deal with - paranoia with the so-called "gay agenda", a backlash against the circus known as the ex-gay movement, and the rising level of dissent in the country against the President.
Like most on the Radical Right, Kurt does not look at the issues put forth - he berates the writer of this letter for marrying (while downright lying about the fact that the "ex-gay" camps encourage the act) and then he goes on and on into this mythological bashing of those of us on the left.
Kurt, I am a proud member of the still unidentified left-wing conspiracy. If standing up for the Constitution, allowing people to live their lives the way they see fit, and demanding the separation of Church and state (because the last time we mixed the two, people got burned at the stake) makes me a member of such an organization (of which you fear), then I am damn proud to be there.
In the meantime, live your own life the way you see fit and leave those of us alone who live ours the way we see fit. That, my dear, is what being an American is all about.
And Kurt, check your sources. Just because something is on the internet does not make it true.
posted by Matthew, at
3/01/2006 6:51 PM
Kurt is such a buffoon....he uses Warren Throckmorton as a source.
hahahahaha
This is the same Throckmorton who has a woman in his video that gives excorcisms.
hahhahahhahaha
It's is all one pathetic joke told by even more pathetic people who need to suck some cock. If I did not get laid, I'd be acting like these folls too.
Homosexuality is a sexual orientation. A small percentage of all mammals are born with a homosexual sexual orientation. It is determined in the hypothulmus region of the brain. It is fixed at birth.
99.9% of the people in the ex-gay program are people whose religious beliefs conflict with the scientific fact that sexual orientation is biological. They may also be people who can not take responsibility for living a responsible and healthy life as the gay people that they are.
Biological facts are facts - a person's beliefs or wishes notwithstanding.
I don't know about you - but for me - facts and reality and truth are paramount in my life.
That is sadly not the case for people in the ex-gay program. They are at odds with the truth and facts about sexual orientation.
If someone in your life lies to you about some aspect about your life - get as far away from that person as possible.
Live responsibly and in a healthy way - which means safe sex, eating well, making SMART choices re: when and with whom you have sex - but DO NOT deny who you are. And DO NOT LET ANYONE ELSE deny who you are.
posted by Anonymous, at
3/01/2006 9:00 PM
Kurt: Despite all the pressures that are around you on a daily basis, no one has a right to tell you what to believe or how to live. I urge you to rethink your dedication to the "ex-gay" world and its cruel ideology. It will be scary and frightening, but it is something worth doing. You can be free, my friend.
posted by Chris L., at
3/02/2006 11:39 AM
Right Kurt, Gay people have a whole lot of choices. You don't have a clue about the options between a rock and a hard place. That's the kind of choice we're talking about.
You don't really elaborate much on WHAT KIND of choice there is.
I suppose a Jew in the Soviet Union had the option of 'choosing' to just not 'behave' as if they were religious or Jew identified. But what makes any of us who we are and how much our culture plays a part in that?
If there is a threat or coercion ANYWHERE to be anything other than what you START out as...then it's really not a choice at all, now is it Kurt?
I'm sick and tired of jacked up ex gays being intellectually dishonest about their tired buzz words like 'brokeness' 'struggle' 'choice'
'question homosexuality'.
In all of their sermons and speeches and outreach none of them bring up the coercion and threat and isolation that are the genesis of their buzz words.
posted by Regan, at
3/02/2006 1:05 PM
Matthew, i had the same thought as you--why is kurt always the first one to post his pro "ex-gay", pro bush bullshit. As i suspected, he is an "ex-gay" wannabe with an obsessive-compulsive need to read this website. Stop spinning your wheels kurt; you are what you are and always will be GAY! Seek help from a REAL therapist and not those "ex-gay" "christian counseling" quacks!! Gary (NJ) ps.."evangelical abuse" is redundant.
posted by Anonymous, at
3/02/2006 1:33 PM
Wait a minute..."breaking of generational curses"? That sounds suspiciously like witchcraft to me. That's not very Christian...
Oh, wait. I forgot. These "evangelical" people aren't Christian at all.
Last night I gave a presentation to the local PFLAG group on my experiences in the "transformational ministry/reparative movement". Wayne posted a letter of mine here, and there were some who did not "get" how and why I would marry a woman. Those reasons and the results are below. The name of the cult-like ministry I was involved with (initially) was Maranatha Campus Ministries. A google search will reveal their sorddid past of legalism, control and brain "washing". Here is part of my story
EVANGELICAL ABUSE
I signed up for unconditional love and acceptance what I got was nearly twenty years of evangelical abuse. From my lonely studio apartment I moved into a bustling campus house where the sisters lived upstairs and the brothers lived downstairs. there was love but it came at a very high price. We had to break off every friendship with anyone not in the church. we were even discouraged from having much to do with our families. Every day was like running the gauntlet. Every imperfection and “sin” was brought into the harsh light of the gospel. A brother would sidle up to me, place his arm my back and say: “I love you brother -- BUT: ...” The “but” was the kicker. After the “I love you” they could say anything with impunity, as it was said “in love.”. If I did not repent of the sin of leaving the toilet seat up I was “rebellious” and hard hearted, unteachable. It really did get that trivial. Nothing was off limits. The bible was just the beginning of an impossible laundry list of to-do’s essential for life and godliness. Constantly falling short of impossible spiritual goals kept us in a state of low self esteem and vulnerable to the all sorts of legalistic control.
We were taught that everyone that had ever left the church had “backslidden” and lost their salvation. Dangling over the pit of hell with only a gossamer thread of salvation we were willing to submit to most anything. There was no “recreational dating” in the cult. Men and women were not alone together -- ever. avoid “even the appearance of evil” -- God was supposed to secretly speak to my heart whom I would marry, then secretly speak to her heart with no interference from me. I would take my “word” to the pastor, and she would take her “word” to the pastor’s wife. If the two spiritual seers felt it was not god’s will we would repent of our lust. If it was the will of god --according to the pastor-- we would be permitted to become engaged. Not to date, but to be engaged to be married. We went right from brother /sister to fiancees! No physical contact was allowed for engaged couples. Chaperones were even preferred if the couple was alone together. Holding hands had formerly been verboten, but recent revelations had approved it under some circumstances, even then it was considered risky. The couples first kiss EVER was at the altar on their wedding day! One couple kissed before their wedding day and the woman was brought before the church for having a “spirit of the harlot.” Facing this kind of humiliation we towed the line.
The cult was obsessed with sexual sin. The ONLY form of sexual activity that was acceptable was heterosexual marriage. Masturbation was forbidden as it was thinking about fornication which was the same as committing it. If I ever wanted to have guilt free sex on planet earth heterosexual marriage was my only option. Unless I felt I had the gift of celibacy, then I would live out my sexless life trying to avoid even masturbation. As a young man, with a very high sex drive, heterosexual marriage seemed like a viable option, well -- the only option. I was told that If I got married my perverted desires would subside, and god would continue to work out my healing. “Those feelings will fade when you get married.” Boy was that a lie. They did not fade, but they got progressively stronger. Heterosex was not satisfying -- it left me empty and longing for real connection and warmth. There was a deep emptiness in my soul that just got deeper and more acute. It was not just about the sexual aspect of the relationship it was about the emotional underpinning.
Pushing my true sexual identity below the surface was like placing a cement cap on a geyser. Initially it seemed to work, but over the years the pressure of sublimating my SELF built and built until I came bursting through the earth’s crust in a cataclysm of pain and joy, loss and renewal.
posted by Brian, at
3/03/2006 12:05 PM
Hello everyone,
Last night I gave a presentation to the local PFLAG group on my experiences in the "transformational ministry/reparative movement". Wayne posted a letter of mine here, and there were some who did not "get" how and why I would marry a woman. Those reasons and the results are below. The name of the cult-like ministry I was involved with (initially) was Maranatha Campus Ministries. A google search will reveal their sorddid past of legalism, control and brain "washing". Here is part of my story
EVANGELICAL ABUSE
I signed up for unconditional love and acceptance what I got was nearly twenty years of evangelical abuse. From my lonely studio apartment I moved into a bustling campus house where the sisters lived upstairs and the brothers lived downstairs. there was love but it came at a very high price. We had to break off every friendship with anyone not in the church. we were even discouraged from having much to do with our families. Every day was like running the gauntlet. Every imperfection and “sin” was brought into the harsh light of the gospel. A brother would sidle up to me, place his arm my back and say: “I love you brother -- BUT: ...” The “but” was the kicker. After the “I love you” they could say anything with impunity, as it was said “in love.”. If I did not repent of the sin of leaving the toilet seat up I was “rebellious” and hard hearted, unteachable. It really did get that trivial. Nothing was off limits. The bible was just the beginning of an impossible laundry list of to-do’s essential for life and godliness. Constantly falling short of impossible spiritual goals kept us in a state of low self esteem and vulnerable to the all sorts of legalistic control.
We were taught that everyone that had ever left the church had “backslidden” and lost their salvation. Dangling over the pit of hell with only a gossamer thread of salvation we were willing to submit to most anything. There was no “recreational dating” in the cult. Men and women were not alone together -- ever. avoid “even the appearance of evil” -- God was supposed to secretly speak to my heart whom I would marry, then secretly speak to her heart with no interference from me. I would take my “word” to the pastor, and she would take her “word” to the pastor’s wife. If the two spiritual seers felt it was not god’s will we would repent of our lust. If it was the will of god --according to the pastor-- we would be permitted to become engaged. Not to date, but to be engaged to be married. We went right from brother /sister to fiancees! No physical contact was allowed for engaged couples. Chaperones were even preferred if the couple was alone together. Holding hands had formerly been verboten, but recent revelations had approved it under some circumstances, even then it was considered risky. The couples first kiss EVER was at the altar on their wedding day! One couple kissed before their wedding day and the woman was brought before the church for having a “spirit of the harlot.” Facing this kind of humiliation we towed the line.
The cult was obsessed with sexual sin. The ONLY form of sexual activity that was acceptable was heterosexual marriage. Masturbation was forbidden as it was thinking about fornication which was the same as committing it. If I ever wanted to have guilt free sex on planet earth heterosexual marriage was my only option. Unless I felt I had the gift of celibacy, then I would live out my sexless life trying to avoid even masturbation. As a young man, with a very high sex drive, heterosexual marriage seemed like a viable option, well -- the only option. I was told that If I got married my perverted desires would subside, and god would continue to work out my healing. “Those feelings will fade when you get married.” Boy was that a lie. They did not fade, but they got progressively stronger. Heterosex was not satisfying -- it left me empty and longing for real connection and warmth. There was a deep emptiness in my soul that just got deeper and more acute. It was not just about the sexual aspect of the relationship it was about the emotional underpinning.
Pushing my true sexual identity below the surface was like placing a cement cap on a geyser. Initially it seemed to work, but over the years the pressure of sublimating my SELF built and built until I came bursting through the earth’s crust in a cataclysm of pain and joy, loss and renewal.
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