Wayne Besen - Author, Activist, Columnist, Public Speaker

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

(Weekly Column)

I told a few friends that I was going to the annual Winter Party in Miami Beach, and by their strong reactions you might have thought I announced I was going to an Al Qaeda meeting.

"So, you have finally joined the dark side of shallow body fascists," shrieked one friend.

I have to admit I had a great time, but I can see why these "circuit parties" freak out or intimidate so many gay men. For starters, I had never before been to a pool party where 5,000 men had 30,000 visible abs. In this place, "carb" was definitely a four-letter word.

The whole scene reminded me of the movie "The Devil Wears Prada" where the main character was called "six," referring to her supposedly plump dress size. At the Winter Party, I was expecting people to address each other by the number of abs.

"Hey, four, are you going to the club tonight?"

"No, five and a half, I'm going to the gym so I can be at least a four-point five for tomorrow's party."

Drug usage appeared to be way down. I'd like to attribute this to gay men wising up, but it seems they have given up drugs for a newer addiction - text messaging.

Everywhere I looked, people were huddled in corners pecking away at their cell phones. I don't really get this new fad. Wasn't the telephone invented so we wouldn't have to type our messages? It is back to the telegraph, I suppose.

The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force sponsored the festivities and deserves credit for throwing one heck of a party. A little eye candy for the cause is never a bad thing.

In other news:

Bob Hattoy Dies: Bob Hattoy was a trailblazing activist who delivered a powerful and historic primetime address to the 1992 Democratic National Convention about living as an HIV positive gay man.

However, what I most remember about Hattoy was that he was an ebullient, larger than life personality in a city full of suited clones and bureaucratic drones. In the mid-nineties I moved to DC without a job, which was a great conversation stopper at parties. The moment some people found out that I had no business card, they quickly excused themselves to "get a drink."

Hattoy was different. He treated me like a Senator when I had nothing to give back in return. Even at the height of his fame, he was incredibly down to earth and quick with a joke. While he will be lauded for his contributions to mankind, I will remember him for his humanity. We will hear much about his public life, but the true measure of the man was his private acts of kindness.

Al Gore: Al Gore had the foresight to help invest in what later became the Internet, and yet, people see him as a stiff. The former Senator from Tennessee was right on the war in Iraq, but the Democratic establishment would rather listen to Hillary parse her war position. Gore is ahead of his time on global warming, and all the pundits can do is discuss his ballooning weight. Suddenly, he wins a little gold trophy at the Oscars and now people are encouraging him to throw his hat into the presidential ring!

How screwed up are American values when leadership matters less than showmanship? Have we learned nothing after electing Bush because he'd be fun to share a beer with on the ranch? With the advent of cable TV, politicians are our new rock stars and elections have become just another form of entertainment. Why don't we just drop all pretenses and have Rosie run against "The Donald"?

Nadine Smith: Equality Florida activist Nadine Smith was unfairly arrested for "disrupting" a Largo, Fla. city commission meeting where city manager Steven Stanton was railroaded out of a job because he was planning to have a sex-change operation.

The thugs who arrested Smith justified manhandling her because a flier she gave to a man who requested one posed a serious "fire hazard." Thank God for the police, because we know how deadly fliers can be and how they have already caused an epidemic of city commissions across the nation to be reduced to ashes.

Please consider giving a donation to Equality Florida. Our GLBT heroes, such as Smith, deserve our support as they fight in the trenches, so most of us can enjoy events like the Winter Party in peace.

41 Comments:

Wayne, brother...I have to be honest with you. I am seriously perplexed and often at a loss for words for these mega parties thrown by gay men. Especially in states like Florida where adoption by gays and lesbians is banned and a longtime public servant can be fired for gender change.

And supporters like Ms. Smith are arrested for her support efforts.
I've had to cull a lot of research for my stage play, but civil rights history is something I've had an interest in since I was a child.
Martin Luther King, Jr. came to Los Angeles after the riots, and his appearance was at an outdoor podium. My father held me on his shoulders above the crowd. Many children were held that way.
If you look at much of the footage and photographs from that period, there are no equivilant extravagances by black folks searching for their equality.
Most gatherings of black folks were raided and broken up and violence threatened if there were meetings.
But we're talking MEETINGS, not parties.
I know and empathize when gays and lesbian's homes and public houses suffered the same raids from authorities back in the day.
Still, a serious gathering of gays or lesbians, even high school GSA's are discouraged and considered 'sex parties' by homophobes. And two by two are always suspect still.

These Bacchanals don't help the image that gay folks are committed and serious about their integration and equality, when you're having such a good time.
You can report on gay bashings, youth suicides and school bullying all you want, but when the White Party is in town...all else is anecdotal to the mainstream at large.
The issues so important to gay folks, don't appear systemic as long as so much money and preening takes on this importance.
Gay folks might believe their image can afford to take this, and it looks like you believe you deserve this fun as a relief from more important business.
But I have to tell you, I really don't think so.
I realize how exhausting it is to justify who you are, and what hard work it is to make a mainstream society if not actively work against you, than at least leave you alone respectfully to guide your own life.
But that's not what happens.
Far from it.
Fratenity and the need to be with those like oneself ARE important. Especially since such gathering WERE'NT allowed before without suspicion.
But the basis for that suspicion was valid when it comes to White Parties and circuit parties.
These are premature, and don't bode seriousness from a group that's trying to relay to society at large that they are serious about marriage, parenthood...social dignity.
Mardi Gras and Purim season just passed, and Rumspringa is coming up.
Society at large understands the need for release of inhibitions. And gays and lesbians are not excluded from participating in these expressions of letting it all hang out.

But they also judge gays and lesbians differently with these parties exclusive to gay folks.
I think, and have always said so, that the gay struggle has legitimate parallels to the black struggle for civil rights and expression of one's needs and the right to the courts and protections of the Constitution.

But, black folks didn't use their efforts as a reason to PARTY with impunity.
But to strategize and negotiate for their rightful place in this country.
Even now, young blacks have destroyed the image so carefully cultivated by the previous generation, by venerating the 'gangsta' lifestyle and street culture.
Violence and hypersexuality are promoted in the media as desirable.
This has hurt young black folks and badly.

I'm thinking something similar occurs to the image of gay men in particular and sometimes I'm not sure what to make of it myself.
It's time for the parties when all the work is accomplished, and gay youth are far more secure in their lives...stumbling home after the party is over for the night, is when you're at the most vulnerable for attack.
I mean that figuratively, literally and socio/politically.

I welcome your opinion on my statement folks.
posted by Regan, at 3/06/2007 12:45 PM

I think you're right, Regan.
posted by Randi Schimnosky, at 3/07/2007 4:12 PM

I've been to these parties. They are not intimidating. They are sad. It has essentially become a truism that gay men (and men in general) worship at the altar of body fascism. Sadly, these parties only serve to reinforce such tendencies, and they send the unfortunate message to gay youth that physical appearance and material wealth is all that really matters in life. As a mental health professional, I have encountered way too many young gay men with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder to view these events as being somehow benign.

Given the mainstream gay community's lip service to the plight of gay youth, one would think that by now our self-proclaimed leaders would have found a way to create a safe space for these kids. If large groups of mostly affluent white gay men want to throw enormous, drug-addled "parties" as an excuse to indulge in their own hedonistic fantasies, far be it from me to tell them they cannot or should not do so. However, when mainstream gay rights organizations align themselves with such irresponsible behavior, they deserve to be called out for it.

I once had a 15 year old boy tell me that he wanted to have his cheek bones crushed and re-set so that he could have the "perfect body", the "perfect relationship", and the "perfect life". This was many years ago. I often wonder if he is now one of those men who frequents these so-called parties, doing bumps of speed and counting the number of looks he gets from other men. I wonder if that makes him happy.
posted by Anonymous, at 3/07/2007 6:37 PM

Hello Anonymous...
I wouldn't call the search for physical perfection necessarily a gay man thing. But sometimes outsider groups tend to overcompensate to fit into the 'norm' standard.

Or, especially work to attain the beauty standards it looks like the richest, most successful people have.
I could call attention to how much ethnic plastic surgery goes on with blacks to augment a broad nose, same for Jews.
Eye alteration for Asians...breast augmentation for females.
These ARE all normal, but yet those who belong to those groups who get those surgeries or contemplate it, will risk financial strain, pain and infection to do it.

Often I have commented that gays and lesbians are on the receiving end of this same syndrome.
Unsurprising in a world that's constantly telling gay folks they AREN'T normal or that their orientation is not only desirable, but life threatening.
So the aethetics are an extension of what a person CAN control if they have enough money.

What my concern is, the image that gay men ARE hedonistic, materialistic...or at the very least, immature.
Of course, heterosexuals are no better. We're going through a cultural shift to high self esteem, without the substantive accomplishment to obtain in.
It's spiritual vacuousness.
However, straight people can take those risks, without risking having their children taken away, or marrying for less than five minutes.
Their cultural image is obviously bulletproof.
Gay folk's isn't.
There are terrible myths and misinformation to survive, let alone live down.
I don't want to get into lecturing gay folks on how to behave per se. It's not my place, but I do know, as a black woman how OUR image is hurt.
And there are black people in the arts and media who should know better.
This is the only reason why I'm saying something in this vein.
I know what it's like to be a part of a group who doesn't yet own their own image, let alone moral and socio/political destiny.

Hugs and kisses Randi, my dear.
posted by Regan, at 3/07/2007 8:13 PM

Hey guys, give Wayne a break. He is there fighting in the trenches 24/7. He is allowed whatever party he wishes to attend. I just wish he'd find a loving partner. He is gorgeous, intelligent, and talented. More than I can say for most of the telephone texting attendees of the white party. I'd volunteer, Wayne, but I am too long in the tooth and happily hitched but I am keeping an eye open for a prospective partner for you!
Richard
posted by Anonymous, at 3/08/2007 10:35 AM

Hi Richard,
I know what Wayne is doing, and I'm not speaking of him as an individual on this subject, but I'm remarking on the collective.
I agree, Wayne IS fine! And I admire him for many reasons and work myself in a cooperative fashion to achieve the same goal.
Wayne...you know me bro...nothing but love for ya.
posted by Regan, at 3/08/2007 11:39 AM

In the pictures section of your website, there is a photo of you in a striped muscle shirt, and you're looking mighty buff in that shot. I'm curious, Wayne, how many abs did you have on display at the Winter Party?
posted by Alex, at 3/08/2007 5:01 PM

I agree. People who work as hard as wayne does for equality deserve to take a few minutes off for fun. Regan, I hope you take some time off for fun as well. You deserve it, also.
posted by jekelhyde, at 3/08/2007 6:43 PM

It's not just gay men that are showing up with eating disorders. Many straight male youth are showing eating disorders, anorexia, bulemia etc... It's our society on the whole that perpetuates the materialistic, look good philosophies.
posted by Anonymous, at 3/08/2007 7:55 PM

JH...buddy...I can't rest. I'm one of those people with a partial disability that's being forced into involuntary retirement. I had a six pack myself a few years ago, lost to a medical treatment that made me gain a bunch of weight that I can't carry around.
I'm not as agile, light and have that feeling of control us dancers get so used to in our lifetimes.
So, it's back into the gym and lowering the carb intake now that I've found the right program for me.

It was my pride and joy that I was hired by Universal Studios, at the age of 45, to wear the cape and thigh high boots of the X-Man...Storm.
I LOVED that job!
Course, my colleagues who played Spiderman and Wolverine were good for my blood pressure and candy for my eyes...instead of thighs.

Anyhoo, apparently I am missed at that gig...and trust me, once in a cape, it's damn hard to not wear one again.
But my health concerns me, as I was diagnosed with lupus years ago, and it's trying to kill me.

So rest isn't exactly an option right now, but I appreciate the thought jekylhyde...playing a super-shero...that WAS my fun!
posted by Regan, at 3/08/2007 9:30 PM

Right on Regan!! You gotta do what makes your world right. RIght?
posted by jekelhyde, at 3/08/2007 10:29 PM

And Anon throws a stone from a glass house...you keeping score anonymous?
Because this sure is a game to you, no doubt.

So, what trenches are YOU in so far?
posted by Regan, at 3/10/2007 10:27 AM

I'm in the trenches alright, just not the mainstream gay white male self-aggrandizing circuit party trenches.
posted by Anonymous, at 3/10/2007 9:23 PM

Funny, I went to a party a few weeks ago at which I was the only gay person. Horrifying that straight people should attend parties with only straight people. In the end, I guess they just want to be straights and to hell with the image that they are projecting to straight youth.

And by the way, there were a lot of drunken straight couples and threesomes going into bedrooms, so I guess we all know what goes on there too.
posted by jekelhyde, at 3/11/2007 10:43 AM

Anonymous, I didn't ask you whether or not you were in the trenches...I asked you WHICH ONES.

Wayne was already critical of the event himself. And didn't indulge so much as the others. He already said.
And the rest of the time, he's off dealing with these LWO gatherings and making sure the media knows EXACTLY what LWO is about.

So, Anon that you won't misunderstand, EXACTLY what trenches are you firing from?
posted by Regan, at 3/11/2007 12:34 PM

Hmmm......interesting that my post responding to your question was deleted. For the record, you ASKED me to tell you these things. I am not tooting my own horn. Let me try again:

The "trenches" I am in are the ones that you and those of your ilk would never deign to enter:

1) I've organized protests and lobbied for legislation to prevent greedy white gay male property owners from evicting long-term tenants with AIDS in order to increase their property values (SF has rent control)

2) I organized a lesbian gay bisexual transgendered questioning student group at a baptist college

3) When the above college tried to kick two lesbians out of the dorms, I organized a protest that caused the administration to revise its policies

4) I organized a protest against the "Cutest of the Castro" competition, which was essentially a racist celebration of body fascism.

5) I was arrested for protesting a right-wing politician who attempted to use the SF LGBT Center as a platform to promote his classist economic policies

6) I organized and participated in a queer contingent in a protest against the war in Iraq (I know, it's not a "gay" issue, but there IS a world out there beyond doing bumps of speed a circuit parties).

7) I've lobbied several city councils and boards of supervisors to enact trans-friendly legislation for city employees.

8) I helped organize a boycott of a bar in the Castro that was found guilty of discrimination against black people, both in hiring practices and in allowing them to patronize their establishment. They required black people to show 3 forms of ID in order to enter. Of course, this didn't stop the white gay men from standing in line to get into the club so they could sip on their Cosmos.

9)I helped fight for the creation of a homeless shelter for queer youth in the Castro. This shelter was bitterly opposed by the mostly affluent white gay male property owners in the area who were more concerned with their property values than the lives of LGBTQ youth.

I could go on and on. Not all of us need to bask in the limelight, nor do we feel the need to receive accolades for our work. We aren't all a bunch of self-aggrandizing media whores.
posted by Anonymous, at 3/13/2007 1:48 PM

OK, Anonymous, here is where I must ask: Do you know Wayne personally? Because you really seem to despise him and it seems very personal to me. If everything you say is correct, you seem to be working on the same side, but you blatent hatred is curious. What is the reason?
posted by jekelhyde, at 3/16/2007 2:32 PM

well, he has announced that ex gays don't exist and continues to delete my posts. hmmm, ex gays do exist and he just wants me to be quiet. i do take it personally when an individual spends most of his time earning money in denounceing my right to my life. he would prefer that all reparative therapists and those who lean on the side of self determination would stop, that it is a sham, that ex gays are in it just for the money and exploitation of others, that being ex gay means being anti -gay etc... should i go on as to why i take comments like those lightly? when had i known that people can and do change i could have sought out answers to my own questions (not yours or societies or anyone else's but my own) and moved farther along and faster in my own self discovery. instead i believed that idea that being gay was the way you had to be if you had gay feelings. not true. and people change and the beat goes on. that besen or dobbs impose their ideas on others is atrocious and shameful. same coin different sides. yeah, i do take it a little personally.
posted by Anonymous, at 3/17/2007 1:48 AM

But can you not see that most within the ex-gay movement are exactly what wayne says they are? Can you not understand the defensiveness and animosity that gay people feel towards these people? Can you not understand why the suspician towards anyone who claims to be ex-gay, due to the above references. You are but an individual and not the norm. Most gay people cannot change orientation, but the ex-gay hierarchy continuously claims that all can. So you come on anonymously and make hate filled comments and expect that everyone is just going to embrace everything you say as true. I'm sorry, but you just seem to have a major Wayne chip and you can't see the reasons he and other gay activists do as they do and feel as they feel.
posted by jekelhyde, at 3/17/2007 2:17 PM

i did not start with hate filled comments. and i do understand why people are suspicious but there is soooo much propganda and yes wrong information being dispersed. most reparative therapist do not engage in electric shock or exploitation of others and (i cannot name names) but many have critisised organizations such as LIA, and any group that puts children in danger. i tell you - it is the parents that need the most education. i don't hate gay people. i don't like people that spin the story - either of the side of the story.
posted by Anonymous, at 3/18/2007 1:37 PM

Alas, to anonymous Wayne has four strikes against him

1. white
2. male
3. gay
4. not a socialist (or I don't think so)

forget it, Wayne, you can only change two of those.
posted by Timothy Kincaid, at 3/19/2007 10:00 PM

Guys, I have known Wayne for 15 years...back in the day when he was always the hottest man in the room and always with his cocky, but loveable, attitude that made him adorable. He has two great passions...boys and politics...political boys all the better.

Not Wayne's first circuit party folks, nor does he say so. I say Bravo to you, my friend. I remember the night you climbed up the pole at the University club, abs blazing and still showed up the next morning for some Pride activity or another.

I am increasingly concerned that the "PC Queer" has metastasized from the "Safe Sex queer."

Hot sex with cute boys is responsible for much of the early Pride memories we now have today. Gay marriage, adoption, these are all great aspirations.I am a father and wouldn't change that for anything.

But we are looking a little "ex-gay" ourselves, just because we're receiving the inhouse memo that you can't be a good homosexual if you want to party and march and spit in the eye of the right wing state police.

Their wetdreams are about all the queers they can stunt and humiliate. 17 years of my life were spent in the clutches of a Christian cult that started in Gainesville, FL where Wayne was a student.

Wayne's balls to the wall spirit is one of the most vivid memories I can remember coming out. His "sheep hunts" were legendary. I thought he was the cutest, wildest, free-est man I had ever met. He spelled PRIDE for me.

Wayne is becoming a legend for all kinds of reasons and I support his growth and willingness to lead. But, if he has to give up the pole and the sheep, I am not sure that being gay is worth that big a dust-up.
Ex-Crossroader
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