Wayne Besen - Author, Activist, Columnist, Public Speaker

Monday, September 24, 2007

- Iowa's Gay Marriage, left -

(Weekly Column)

Inside the trenches of culture war combat, it is often difficult to see who is winning the conflict. The recurring recriminations, stale rhetoric and finger pointing proclamations often leave one feeling as if we are in a perpetual stalemate. But in the past couple of weeks, dare I say, strong evidence has emerged that suggests the gay and lesbian community has won the war. Not winning, but won. There have been victories, dramatic and mundane, that show the world has changed and will never be the same.

The most extraordinary development happened in San Diego, where Republican Mayor Jerry Sanders switched his position on same-sex marriage, while revealing that his daughter is a lesbian. In a tearful address, he signed a City Council resolution adding San Diego to a friend-of-the-court brief that urges the California Supreme Court to legalize same-sex marriage. I am not sure what was more remarkable, watching this cultural touchstone or witnessing a politician do what is in his heart.

"Two years ago, I believed that civil unions were a fair alternative," Sanders said. "Those beliefs, in my case, have changed. The concept of a 'separate but equal' institution is not something I can support...In the end, I couldn't look any of them [family and friends] in the face and tell them that their relationship -- their very lives -- were any less meaningful than the marriage I share with my wife Rana."

Sanders displayed the moral courage to do precisely what former Rep. Dick Gephardt (D-MO) and Vice President Dick Cheney failed to do for their daughters. This dramatically changes the political equation, in that the right wing no longer monopolizes the language of values. Finally, we have a model of morality, where a politician argues for GLBT equality in terms of heartfelt beliefs and convictions. While the floodgates will not open tomorrow, this is the crack in the dam that will lead to the deluge. Most liberals, and even many conservatives, believe in the freedom to marry. However, fear has kept them from doing what is right. Mayor Sanders has shown them the way.

Less theatrical, yet also an important mark of change, NBC commentator Chris Matthews congratulated gay pundit Andrew Sullivan for his recent marriage on Matthews' Sunday morning political talk show. A photograph of Sullivan embracing Aaron, his new husband, accompanied the celebratory note. The nonchalance of this announcement - to an audience that is split between liberals and conservatives - shows how irrational fear of gay marriage is quickly receding.

Of course, there was also the recent court ruling in Iowa that led to the state's one and only gay marriage, before the judge who issued the edict put a stay on further ceremonies. Still, this event highlights how no region is immune from grappling with this issue.

Meanwhile, the California legislature has again passed a marriage bill that would become law if Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger would not terminate it with his veto pen. Sure, the issue remains contentious, but the thought of gay people marrying in California is hardly a novel idea anymore. (On a down note, the Maryland Court of Appeals rejected same-sex marriage by a 4-3 vote)

As the cultural winds have shifted in favor of equality, the religious right suffered twin setbacks in Florida, a key swing state. The first disaster was the "Values Voter Presidential Debate," where none of the major candidates appeared, treating the Religious Right as if it were just another minority group to ignore with "scheduling conflicts." The truth is, the "scheduling conflicts" had to do with the fact the debate questioners, a who's who of fringe ideologues, looked like they were all on Schedule 1 medications.

Later in the week, major right wing leaders descended upon Tampa for the "Family Impact Summit." I was down in the Sunshine State, taking part in a counter press conference hosted by the GLBT group Equality Florida. Inside the event, right wing leaders were openly whining about how attendance has fallen at right wing conferences in recent years. While much of the right still loves its red meat issues, gratuitous gay baiting is a harder sell than it used to be.

There are simply too many serious issues - from Iraq to healthcare to the housing bust to global warming - for today's mainstream conservatives to obsess about homosexuality. And, while many on the right would still prefer gay people to retreat into the closet, they now know that there is little room inside, as it is packed like a gay bar at midnight with Republicans such as Mark Foley and Larry Craig.

Sure, the ugliness of the culture war will rage for fifteen to twenty more years, as our opponents get more desperate and shrill. But, like the "Family Impact Summit," each year it will be embraced by less families and have a diminishing impact.

13 Comments:

The truth is often so simple that we miss it. When it comes to fundamentalist Christians, the sad reality is that they're simply too stupid to win the culture war. In fact, their actions are so demonstrably foolish that their presence often produces the very OPPOSITE RESULT of what they intended! They are so patently mean-spirited and dour that it's often a HUGE PLUS when they present themselves as our opposition. But let's not let that secret get out...maybe they'll stop showing up with their bibles, and then we'll have to find ourselves another ultimate foil!
posted by Chris L., at 9/24/2007 8:53 AM

There's only so long that you can use fear and ignorance to manipulate people.
posted by Emily K, at 9/24/2007 9:51 AM

Fundamentalist "christians" also have the arrogance to continually show their true colors. I heard a clip on the radio yesterday (Air America) of a fundo preacher talking about the Muslim month of Ramadan, which just started. He said they 'fast during the day and only eat at night after the sun goes down LIKE COCKROACHES!' Although I am no fan of Islam due to the misogyny and homophobia, saying something like that about an entire religion is about as low and UNchristian as you can get. The rhetoric coming from the "christian" right about gays, muslims, and all their other designated enemies is very similar to what one would have read about Jews in Der Stuermer and the Voelkischer Beobachter in Germany in the 30s and early 40s!
Different times and scapegoats, but same hatred and ignorance.
Gary (NJ)
posted by Anonymous, at 9/24/2007 11:00 AM

Maybe it would be a mistake to write this, because I might be letting the obvious cat out of the bag. But since self-righteousness knows no self-restraint, and requires no self-knowledge, or any knowledge at all, I will put it out there anyway, mostly because I think it is ironic and funny-how-that-works, but also so that I can feed the seething cauldron of frustration that is fundamentalist KKKristianity's basic bathwater.

To my KKKristian friends: you do not seem to be able to help yourselves, to stop obsessing over what makes my dick hard, and most importantly, to stop talking about it, especially in the absurdist terms that you employ.

And I don't want you to stop talking about. Keep on jabbering about it. Knock yourself out.

And why? Because you totally misunderstand the nature of the closet. The closet relies on silence for its power. As long as gay people are unknown and unknowable, the closet can work it black magic.

But by your constant jabbering, you make non-gay people aware of gay people. You force gay people to talk about themselves, to come out of the closet. You force non-gay people to talk about, and more importantly, to think about it. Especially, they think about gay people they know. And for those who are not irretrievably poisoned by hatred and fear, or self-hatred or self-fear-- what you are pleased to call your sincere religious belief, or god's word, or whatever the rationalization-du-jour is-- well, talking about it leads them to conclusions, and not usually the ones you would like them to have.

So please do keep talking. Keep protesting. Keep electing people whose concerns center on what makes my dick hard and what they can do to stop it, instead of $9 trillion dollars in debt, a debt owed to countries who do not wish us well, a losers war in Iraq, no health insurance, Janet Jackson's breast, and all of the other things you think are are really on god's personal agenda, which coincidentally, happens to
be the same as yours.

And to my gay brothers and sisters: In a few weeks we will have National Coming Out Day. If it is physically safe for you to do so-- and I aware of the sad irony of having to write that-- PLEASE DO. Barring threats to your safety and health, there is not one reason on the planet for you not to do so. If your friends and families cannot see, love, and respect you for who you are, then you lose nothing if you lose them.

I nkow this because, to some extent, I lost my parents when I came out to them. But eventually, I began to see that the problem was never my being gay, it was our whole relationship. The gay thing was just the hook they hung that particular hat on. It allowed them to have something to blame, besides their own responsibility for the relationship they had with three of their four children. I neevr really lost them becuase i never really had them.

The last people I told --and I waited until I was 27 to do so-- were the people I called my foster parents. They were very conservative and very religious, and I was afraid I would lose them. but I had promised myself that there would be no more secrets, no lies. Their response (and it is engraved on my heart): "Thank you for telling us. We're glad you told us, and loved and trusted us enough to tell us." They welcomed my partner into their home and treated him like the son they treated me as.
posted by ben in oakland, at 9/24/2007 1:45 PM

Ben,
Your foster parents, despite being conservatives, knew to love their child. I know you are deeply grateful to them. They must be exemplary people. Your posting touched me. Thank you.
posted by richard schillen, at 9/25/2007 8:32 AM

Wayne, anyone, sigh do you honesly believe it'll take another fifteen to twenty more years before our community gets full recognition from the Federal government or are you saying it'll take that long even after we have gained it that the right will still keep hammering us.
The later I might be able to take.
posted by Dominick J. DiNoto, at 9/25/2007 10:14 AM

Thanks, richard
posted by Ben in Oakland, at 9/25/2007 11:10 AM

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