Wayne Besen - Author, Activist, Columnist, Public Speaker

Friday, August 05, 2005

John Evans: I'm Sickened By Attempts To Re-Write LIA History

by Wayne Besen

The History of Love In Action
By John Evans

I first met the Rev. Kent Philpott when I owned an art gallery in Sausalito, California. This was in 1973. Kent Philpott was the pastor of the Church of the Open Door in the nearby town of San Rafael.

Shortly after meeting Kent, we were sitting in a café in Sausalito, having coffee when he came right out and asked me if I was gay. I was quite surprised because homosexuality was never openly discussed among Christians. Kent said that the Holy Spirit had already "revealed" to him that I was gay. I admitted to being gay, and I told Kent that I believed there should be some kind of fellowship for gay people. When Kent and I discussed a ministry to gay people, I never thought of any type of a "change situation." I had been in a relationship with my partner, Ron Marano, for over 10 years, and we had been active in the Assembly of God Church in San Francisco for all that time.

Within one week of our conversation, Frank Worthen talked with Kent about his homosexuality. That same week, a third man came to Kent to talk about his confusion about being gay and Christian. At this point, Kent called me at the gallery. He was all excited. He said he knew God was opening a ministry to gay people.

Two weeks later, we all met in the back room of the Christian bookstore in San Rafael to talk about forming Love In Action. That's when Kent decided to write a book on homosexuality. There were to be three women and three men telling their stories. It wasn't long before it was published by Logos International under the title of The Third Sex? My story appeared under the fictitious name of "Ted." (Frank Worthen's story was not in the book.) The book became a best-seller and people started coming to San Rafael to find a "cure" for their homosexuality.

Next, Kent started telling everyone they must leave their gay lover and withdraw from what he called "the gay lifestyle." The three women left within weeks because two of them had been together for 18 years. Kent told me I must terminate my long-time relationship with Ron.

The only conclusion I had ever heard since being a Christian for over fifty years was that all homosexuality was wrong and sinful, although I knew my relationship with Ron was good, and I could not understand why it could be wrong or sinful I blindly accepted the traditional Christian condemnation without even investigating if there may be another point of view. I listened to the conclusions by Kent Philpott and broke off my relationship with Ron. That was one of the most difficult things I have ever done.

One by one, the original members of Love In Action left. We began to accept we would never change inside. We were also disillusioned with Love In Actions strict policies.
Shortly after leaving Ron, I was so distressed that I could barely function. My mind was on Ron all the time. One day, while driving on the freeway, I was thinking about the holiest love I had ever known from another human being.

This love was from Ron. Knowing I had given up the most precious love of my life, I really didn't care if I lived or died. Suddenly, I lost control of my vehicle, and was involved in a devastating automobile accident. I was unconscious for several days and spent almost a year in the hospital in recovery. I broke most of the bones in my back. I've had several surgeries every since, along with debilitating chronic pain.

The Love In Action "drop-outs," as we called ourselves, remained friends. They even came to my hospital room once a week for a Bible study. After I was released from the hospital, I held those weekly Bible studies in my home in San Rafael with my fellow "drop-outs." They also met at my home because I was unable to walk.

One night, a pastor attended one of our Love In Action meetings in the hopes of starting an ex-gay ministry of his own. Kent Philpott, Frank Worthen, and I were the only original members there. During the evening, the pastor asked what had happened to the original members mentioned in the book. Kent and Frank started putting the drop-outs down, saying that the ministry was better without them. The pastor then turned to me, knowing that I was one of the original members. I told him that I was still good friends with those who had left. I admitted that we got together once a week at my house.

Kent and Frank became extremely angry, and Kent said he would talk with me in the morning. When Kent called the next day, he said I could no longer fellowship with any LIA members, the current ones or the dropouts. I told him I could not turn my back on my friends. He then told me I was not welcome at his church any longer or at any more LIA meetings.

That was a difficult time for me. During this time, I read a booklet by Dr. Ralph Blair, called "An Evangelical Look At Homosexuality." I prayed before reading this booklet. I was both shocked and refreshed by Ralph Blair's words because I had never heard a different point of view from another evangelical Christian. I wrote Ralph Blair and told him that I would like to discuss his views regarding this matter. His return letter informed me that he could meet with me.

Since I helped organize Love In Action back in 1973, I've seen nothing but shattered lives, depression, lies, and even suicide among those involved with LIA or any other so-called "ex-gay" group. My own best friend at the time, Jack McIntyre, eventually killed himself at Marin General Hospital Psychiatric Ward. In Jack's suicide note, he wrote that he believed that God would forgive him for killing himself, but not for having even one more "impure" thought.

I believe the Bible to be the inspired word of God. As a Born Again Christian, I believe that some Christians have taken certain passages in the Bible out of context and used them to hurt and destroy the lives of others. Some of these issues have been slavery, women's rights, the Charismatic Movement, and the issue of divorce. There are twice as many Scriptures dealing with divorce than homosexuality. Yet, today, Christians give each other the freedom of personal interpretation regarding this subject.

Hopefully, homosexuality will be added to the long list of issues that the church has changed its opinion on once the Holy Spirit showed the people a new way of thinking and understanding the issue.

I challenge Christians to investigate all sides of being gay and Christian. Christians have been wrong in the past on moral issues, and I'm sure, they will be wrong again before Jesus returns. Too many lives are being destroyed by both well-meaning and not so well-meaning Christians who think their conclusions are correct.

I have tried to make amends for helping to start Love In Action in 1973 by telling the truth of who I truly am: I am fully Christian and fully gay. It has not been easy to get the truth out, though, with the continued lies and deception of the ex-gay movement. At first, "ex-gay" ministries claimed they could change anyone's homosexuality through the "power of Jesus Christ." Now, at least they admit that their same-sex attractions do not change. Dr. Ralph Blair was one of the brave people who called them on this point.

Eventually, they had to admit he was right when so many of the "ex-gay" ministries fell because the leaders and members could no longer deny who they truly were. Please remember that no matter what any person who claims to be ex-gay says, he or she is still our gay or lesbian brothers and sisters. They still need our love and support.

Lately, I've heard that some people are actually trying to claim that I never was one of the original people who started Love In Action. I'm sickened even hearing this. The truth is the truth. Even Kent's book tells the truth of how Love In Action was started:
In the Preface, Kent Philpott says,

Clearly a new phase of counseling was beginning. I felt inadequate. Preliminary counseling was one thing, but in-depth therapeutic involvement with homosexuals was something else. I knew it would be costly. Thus it was we started a fellowship for homosexuals. Ted, [the false name that Kent used for me in the book], Bob, Eve, and Frank all helped. This book is our attempt to share good news with others.
(From the Preface of The Third Sex?, Logos International, 1975.)

Frank refers to Frank Worthen. Bob and Eve are also fake names from the book. On May 5, 1979, I, along with the three women in the book, sent a notarized letter to Logos International, the publisher of The Third Sex? The letter informs them that the claims in the book were 100% false. We demanded that he stop publishing the book immediately. We wrote:

We wish to serve notice at this time that we cannot with good Christian conscience allow these falsifications to continue. Too many lives are at stake, and if these claims are not amended, indicating that none of us have ever changed and become heterosexual and are living at this time, satisfying Christian lives with our mates, following our natural homosexual orientation, we will be forced to take legal action to prevent any further misrepresentation.

But I'm sad to say that even our letter did not stop Logos and Love In Action from continuing to sell and promote the book. They made false claims then that they clearly knew were lies. Those lies continue today. But to actually believe that they can rewrite history makes me very nervous because I know how good they are at deceiving people. I know how deceived I was in the beginning.

Now to actually claim that I was never a part of the original group that founded Love In Action boggles my mind. Even the Rev. Kent Philpott says so in his best-seller. His book was the main reason people came from all over the world to Love In Action. The history of Love In Action is not a mystery. Anyone who tries to say otherwise is just like those who tried to deny the reality of the Holocaust. The Holocaust was very real.

The "ex-gay" movement is very real. It is not just a benign faith community who has the right to their own opinions. They are the people responsible for my best friend killing himself. They threaten the psychological, spiritual, and even physical health of many vulnerable, frightened people, especially gay teens. They are responsible for untold suffering and harm.

"What you have done to the very least of these, you have also done to me," Jesus says. When they harm gays and lesbians, they harm Jesus. They will be held accountable. They must be held accountable. I hold them accountable.

A brother in Christ,

John Evans, One of the original founders of Love In Action in 1973

10 Comments:

Its nice to see that John Evans' story hasn't changed in the 16 years since he told it to Sylvia Pennington. I'm trying to get a pdf of the LIA section of Pennington's 1989 book Ex-Gays: There are none to Dr. Throckmorton (since he doesn't have a copy in his library and doesn't seem disposed to buy one, despite my urging). The book is rare ($50-$75 dollars through amazon-affiliated used book dealers), but its right on point to what he tells us he's seeking.

For somebody who is publicly claiming he wants to study assertions that ex-gay ministries have pretty poor track records, you'd think the legacy book on this subject would be on his must-have list.
posted by PBCliberal, at 11:50 PM

I'm going to be very direct in this statement. You CANNOT be fully gay and fully Christian, any more than you can be fully dead and fully living. Christianity is anathema to homosexuality despite what gay "Christians" would like to think.

You have to pick one. This is if you want to to adhere to intellectual honesty. Otherwise you will exist in a constant state of self-torment. The only way one can do so in the long run is either they have a perverse satisfaction in self-torment, or they intellectually lie to themselves that Christianity and homosexuality are compatible.

If one is to maintain a consistent frame of mind, one must choose -- Christianity or homosexuality. I submit that one can only choose one of these, not either. Homosexuality is not chosen, any more than one's sex or skin color. It merely is, as a granted intrinsic part of a person's make up. The only thing that can be chosen is Christianity, and by nature also "unchosen".

Therefore, I further submit the only thing an intellectually honest homosexual can do is relinquish the bonds of Christianity.
posted by Quattr0ne, at 4:01 PM

"Therefore, I further submit the only thing an intellectually honest homosexual can do is relinquish the bonds of Christianity."

I agree entirely, quattr0ne. There is a passage in the bible that illustrates this perfectly:

"Come unto me, all ye that labour, and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest, except for you homosexuals, because that's just filthy." (Matthew 11:28) (emphasis added)
posted by Willie Hewes, at 3:50 AM

Im a christian and I'm homosexual, from the UK.
7 years ago I battled to fight and try leave my homosexualty behind - but still a homosexual now. My battle made me angry/frustrated, and I then backslid.
Now Im strongly back on track with my christianity, and Im still gay. One thing I learned, God would rather have you with him, despite your race, colour or sex.
So, if anyone says choose one, God or homosexualty, then they dont really know the true nature of God. He would say come to me the way you are....
The problem today is the church rejects gays, so most turn away from the church and God to promiscuity or whatever.
I love God, and I am still homosexual. Im not going to let anyone force a decision like that.. I cant Un-choose homosexuality, but certainly can choose God. Thanks Rudster
posted by Anonymous, at 8:34 PM

Change is possible John. If acting out on your same sex attractions is not sinful then why did so many people flock to San Rafael? If you are honest with yourself you will remember that time when your underlying voice told you that what you were doing was against what God intended.

From 1978 to 1995 I lived as a "Butch" lesbian. I truly thought I was born that way. No one could tell me otherwise. Then I had a life changing experience and became a follower of Christ Jesus. When I completely let go and allowed God to take over the Holy Spirit convicted me that my identity as a lesbian was not what God intended and that acting out on my same sex attractions was wrong. It took two years to be fully convicted of this fact. God started to reveal to me what things caused my same sex attractions. Yes, I still have temptations in this area however I know now what causes them, I pray and give the thoughts to God and He gets me through it. It is not easy. After having lived that identity for 20 years it can be hard at times to shake it. Those who say change is not possible are not doing justice to those who want to change. If people want to change let them change. Do not say that ex-gays never were gay.
posted by Charlene E. Hios, at 9:06 PM

To Anonymous:

Yes, you are right. Regretfully the Church does reject those who identify themselves as 'gay'. And, regretfully, yes, the Church, in general is hurting many people.

But please know that there are many churches out there who do not reject 'gays'. These churches are the type of churches I hope and pray those seeking 'out' of their homosexuality will walk into.

Yes, acting out sexually on one's same sex attraction is a sin however it is not the Church's place to condemn the individual. God specifically says it is His place to judge the lost, only His place. One of the Church's jobs is to reach out with the love of Christ Jesus to the lost, to tell them about the Good News of Jesus; to be an instrument, a means, that God uses to bring the lost to Him. If it happens that one of these lost sheep identify themselves as 'gay', yes it is the Church's job to let that person know it is a sin however that is as far as it goes, they can not condemn the lost, only God condems the lost. They need to continue to teach them about the Bible and about Jesus and answer any questions asked about what the Bible says about homosexuality. But they must do it in love.

The Church must remember that homosexuality is but one branch on the tree of sin. Homosexuality is no worse than any other sin and you do not see the Church kicking people out for other sins, at least not for the most part.

The Church must remember that it is God who does the judging, the church needs to do the loving and it is the Holy Spirit who convicts the individual of their sin.

The church I started to go to was in Las Vegas. They loved me, they accepted me, they taught me about Jesus. When I asked them questions about homosexuality they told me that they believed the Bible and the Bible says it, homosexuality, is wrong. However, they still loved on me even though they knew I was homosexual.

In November of 1995 I turned my life over to Jesus and called Him my Lord.

For two years I was so torn between my homosexuality and God. I would spend hours and hours talking with God in prayer about how I was born gay and how come His book says my life is wrong if He made me this way. Finally I decided that rather than fight God I would just be celebate. I could not change is what I thought so I figured I could at least be obedient.

Then, it happened. I finally understood what God was saying. He did not make people gay. They chose to act out on those same sex attractions. He started to help me see why I was having the attractions. How to deal with them and so forth.

The whole time all this was going on my Las Vegas church was right there by my side loving on me with the love of Christ Jesus.

To guattr0ne I must agree with you that you can not be gay and christian at the same time. Something will give. Jesus says you can not serve two masters. He was very wise in this saying.

For two years I was (and still am) a Christian and I also identified myself as a lesbian. For two years the Holy spirit had me under conviction to leave my lesbian identity and to follow God 100%. One way or the other you can not do both.

As far as ex-gay ministries are concerned I believe that they are helpful to those who want to change. Change is possible. Those who do not want to change need to leave the ex-gay ministries alone. Why should it matter to you that there is a place for someone to go who does not want to identify themselves any longer as 'gay'?

Regretfully the answer to that question is a political one. Ex-gay ministries are a threat to those who are trying to dupe people into believing that acting out on one's same sex attractions (homosexuality) is not a sin, but that it is a natural thing.

These who are trying to discredit ex-gay ministries are the real villians folks. They are the liars.

Change is possible folks. God did not make us to have sexual relations with the same sex.

Why does no one every mention this fact? It is quite evident isn't it. There is male, there is female. They fit naturally together.

Male does not fit naturally to male and neither does female fit naturally to female.

I know, remember that I lived that life for 20 years. I so wanted to make a baby with my girlfriend Kathy. We could not do it naturally. Yes, we loved each other, but it was not a natural love.

It was a love twisted by sin. I think that there is an special love that only one woman can give to another woman and the same for man to man, however this love is not a sexual love. However, because sin entered into this world it twisted this love into something repulsive to God. Sin does that you know. It tries to separate you from God.

But lets not get to theological here.

I am just wanting others to know that change is possible, I want others to know that homosexuality is not something you are born with, gays are duping the world into thinking they need special rights when they are no more special than any one else. We all are sinners.

Christians are sinners just as those who act out on their same sex attractions sexually are sinners. There are two differences however from a TRUE Christian and a homosexual.

A TRUE Christian has turned their live over to Christ Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit. Because of this they are no longer a slave to sin. In other words, yes, they will still sin because as long as they are in their flesh they will be drawn to sin however because sin does not own them anymore they will start to give into the sin but then be able to resist it through the strength they get from Jesus, though at times they will give into the sin but then their underlying voice, the Holy Spirit, reminds them that what they did was wrong and they will stop doing it and repent (turn) from it . . .

The difference between the sins of a lost homosexual and a TRUE Christian are thus:

1). the homosexual actually has turned the sin into an identity . . .

2). the homosexual is so a slave to the sin that they do not even realize it is a sin . . .

I did not mean to write this much.

Please know that I mean none of this to be hateful. Please feel free to express your thoughts.

Merry Christmas 2007
posted by Charlene E. Hios, at 9:50 PM

　　心中一阵不安升降机，因为我忽然又想起了那道剑光升降平台，可怕的剑光升降台，美丽的剑光登车桥。为什么那一剑是那么的美丽货架，却又那么的可怕呢集装袋？在我倒下之前我说地磅，好美的剑塑料托盘，好恨的剑塑料托盘。我倒下了仓储笼。在我失去知觉之前仓储笼，我听到他说北京货架，这叫艺术超市货架，剑的艺术北京货架。

　　我并没有死广州货架，原来我的心是在右边仓储货架，而是不是左边货架厂。所以在那穿胸一剑之下我并没有死南京货架。

　　是一阵暴雨把我冲醒了货架公司。听说雨是上天的眼泪深圳货架，也许这天又有人死在那美丽的剑光之下吧服装货架！我张开嘴巴托盘，任雨水打进我的嘴托盘，直冲我的胃塑料托盘。我的伤口又开始流血塑料托盘，但已经不痛了木托盘。试问：仓储笼一个心已经死了的人仓储笼，肉体上的疼痛又算得了什么呢仓储笼？我知道我的刀再练一百年也无法那么美丽仓储笼，那么恨托盘，而且永远别想杀了他托盘。

　　我退出江湖了手推车，我没有通知江湖上的朋友们静音手推车，并来一个什么金盆洗手静音手推车，因为我的朋友们差不多都被他杀了置物架。我悄悄的走了置物架，隐进了山林之中堆垛架。俨然一个世外高人的样子堆垛架，每天一壶绿茶登高车，放在身边的几上登高车，然后或盯着一朵白云超市手推车，或盯着一片树叶物流手推车，或双目紧闭物流台车。我的刀在玉盆中泡了七七四十九天角钢货架，已经没有血腥味了角钢货架。然后我把它放在我的屋顶轻型货架，任它风吹雨打轻型货架。

　　十年就这年过去了中型货架。为何今天天忽然想起那柄剑中型货架，那道剑光重型货架？而且内心为什么如此不安重型货架？不应该是这样的仓库货架，对于一个喝了十年绿茶的人来说服装货架，面对死上海货架，也已不再惧怕精品货架，不再不安苏州货架，但今天又为何如此呢托盘货架？

　　莫非是他青岛货架，和他的剑库房货架，加上他的剑光沈阳货架。我已不问江湖之事天津货架，想他十年前也应该坐上武林盟主的位子了杭州货架，一个武林中人做了武林盟主山东货架，这一生还有什么要求的呢文件柜？

　　我不停的喝着绿茶工具柜。绿茶静心工具柜。但此时怎么也静不下来零件柜。茶已尽工作台。平时茶尽之时工作台，正也是日落之时工作桌。

　　一定快有什么事情发生了工作桌。

　　剑还是那美丽的剑Google左侧排名，如果再加上一道剑光吹塑机，就会形成剑的艺术色带，武学的艺术电源插座。

　　我问反光背心：为何还来找我滚针轴承，我已在十年之前就退出江湖了夜光粉。

　　他说文化石：因为你没死缎带，因为我没有对手风火轮。

　　我说激光打标机：十年前已不是你的对手平衡机，何况现在十年未动刀大功率led。

　　他说磁力泵：放眼天下梯子，只有你一个人是我的对手网眼袋，也只你一个人对我的威胁无尘布。

　　我不再说话手摇手电筒，因为我不知道说什么手板，我知道我十年前就开始找我毛巾布，发现我没有死就开始找我磁钢。我不死促销台，他心不安模具钢材。

　　他说时尚配饰：拿出你的刀筛网。

　　我说齿轮泵：我已无刀天使花房，命托辊，亦可有可无色丁。

　　他盯着我广告衫，握剑的手越来越紧钢坯，我知道那道美丽的剑光可能随时发出过滤网。在那美丽过后疏水阀，我的生命将画上句号胸章。

　　阳光照在了刀上发热管，反射到他的脸上手机耳机。他发现了那把刀螺杆，我的刀插销，宝刀蝴蝶，没有鞘的刀工具包。

　　刀已在我手中点钞机，刀还是那把刀配电箱，人却已不是那个人流苏，因为心不是那颗心沙滩巾。

　　他为了杀我竟找了我十年氯化镁，而为了和我比武竟帮我从屋顶拿下我的刀来双面胶带，并放在我的手中碳纤维。我忽然发现排线，他也变了汽车座垫，他在后悔十年前将所有高手都杀绝珍珠奶茶。

　　高手的悲哀太阳伞。
　　我握紧了刀桥架，我看着他的眼tpr，已经不再像十年前那样明亮了钢丝。

　　他的剑划出柴油发电机组，划出一道美丽的剑光护栏。我想围栏，这十年他大概在不停地使自己的剑光更美围栏。

　　我的刀也出了隔离网。简单的动作隔离网，一刀刺进了他的胸网片。那道美丽的光忽然停止网片，停在我的衣服上南京货架。

　　他说北京货架：这也是艺术北京货架，杀人的艺术北京货架，想不到你十年不动刀还懂这个艺术仓储货架。

　　我说仓储货架：因为我不想再让你痛苦了广州货架。

　　他说广州货架：谢谢货架厂。

　　我走了货架公司。我头也不回的走了塑料托盘。没有取回我的刀塑料托盘，因为我觉得它在我身边已经没用塑料托盘，我后悔我十年前为什么不扔了它塑料托盘？我听到了尸体倒下的声音塑料托盘。我流泪了塑料托盘，我真的不想杀他仓储笼，十年前不想仓储笼，十年后也不想仓储笼，因为我下山时答应过师父仓储笼，一切让着他仓储笼。

　　我叹了一口气仓储笼。远去仓储笼。
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